So I guess when you say that the cat is out of the bag, the "cat" is truly out of the bag. Information can spread like a wildfire, without any control or direction. The only thing that you can do once you start to fight it is to try to funnel the information in the best possible direction that would cause the least amount of damage. No matter how you try to play it, you will be burned. The only only thing that you can limit is how badly.
There are many different ways to approach a situation. Not all of them will be favorable to you. Sometimes every which way will cause you grief or suffering. They might not be a limit to how much damage you will encounter, but there is always a way to minimize how much it affects you.
No one ever side life would be easy. No one said it would be a fairytale either. Although life is only as hard as you let it be and how much you let it get to you. There are times when you believe that nothing else worse can happen to you when you are at your lowest points to find out that it can get worse or when you are at your most exhilarating points that nothing can top them or make them horrible. Well truth be told life is unpredictable and sometimes unimaginable. You never know what to expect as there is always surprises around every corner. You can never prepare for every event, but you can prepare yourself to be able to be strong when you have to take horrible situations head on.
Confidence is a key component at being the number one game changing factor. The people that we most seem to admire always have the same attributes about them: Confidence, courage and bravery. What we fail to realize is that these same people are just like you and I, with fears and problems just the same. Just because they carry a an appearance that seems to be strong, they might be scared out of their minds of the stuff that they have to accomplish everyday, but they do it none the less because it has to be done. Yes, maybe they have grown over time to carry more and more of the attributes that you admire, but to them it might not be that apparent that they are that way at all. Maybe they are just trying to live their lives the best way they know possible and that just so happens to make them appear to have those attributes about them when in all reality they feel vain.
We tend to focus a lot of our lives on what ifs and if so's instead of dealing with the situations that are before us. A lot of the time we idolize people that we wish we could be like instead of attempting to be like them. What we end up doing is limiting ourselves from truly moving on pass certain bumps in the road and we get stuck. We get trapped in our minds with a feeling of no escape. We try to run and hide, but there is truly no escape when every single fear you have is multiplied by yourself inside your own head. As the famous quote goes "You are your own worst enemy," and it is the truest quote that I have ever known.
In my own relation of facing my fears and experiencing life, I fought myself hard on the decision to choose happiness over easiness. I struggled everyday with the decision that would be life changing. I tried to push it away as if it was just a phase. I tried to pretend it didn't exist and would try to focus my life on being the person that I thought I was supposed to be for my family and those around me. I made horrible decisions that I regretted having to go through everyday just so that I could feel I was passing as the person that I thought the world wanted me to be.
Not until recently did I realize that the only person that was truly limiting from me being who I am and from being happy was myself. There was no one else standing there in front of me holding me back. It had been myself the whole time.
Facing myself actually for the first time took major guts. It wasn't easy. My adversary was smart, cunning and knew me very well. There would be no way to beat him at his own game, for he would have truly won every battle. I had to change the game. I had to make it so that the rules were in my favor. I had to stop allowing for fear to control the rules and use techniques that I weren't quite sure would work, but I knew I had to try.
Courage is what helped me prevail. Courage that I didn't think I had. Courage that some would call brave, but in all reality was done out of fear and uncertainty. Even when I stop to think about it, I wouldn't consider it to be courage. I was doing what I had to do just to survive. I was doing it because I knew no other way of going on from the point that I was at. I needed to do it to live; to be free of everything that was keeping me down and making me feel utterly useless to the the world.
I stepped out of my comfort zone and I told the people dearest to me what I wanted to do with my life and how things would be different from here on out. I knew that I wouldn't get all cheers and celebration, but it was part of finally living my life that I had truly always wanted. Relationships broke, sorrow was given, but overall I had a ton of support that I thought I would never have. Not everyone accepted my decision and most were shocked. I had been so good at wearing my mask and pretending to be someone that I wasn't that they couldn't comprehend that I wasn't truly that way. I didn't try to convince them or force them to believe something they couldn't comprehend. I just moved on and allowed for them to come to me if they wanted to know more. I didn't force them to accept me. I had enough of a hard time just letting them know about my situation in the first place. Pretty soon I told everyone in my family and it made life just that much more simple.
Thanks to social media I didn't have to tell anyone at my work. They all found out. Having to face that fire was devastating. Word got around to everyone quickly and thoroughly. There was no way that I couldn't face up to the situation that was before me. The day I had to go in to face the music, I seriously had a panic attack. It took all my focus just to get out of my car that I didn't even realize that I had made it into the building. I tried to avoid as many people as I could, but I could tell that things were going to be different for me. The weirdest thing was that no one straight called me out on it. I knew that they knew, but yet the worse of the reactions was words under their breath or avoiding me all together. Over time I slowly began readjusting myself into situations I truly didn't want to be part of. Some were resistant at first, but others plainly gave up and moved on. The only think that I did was avoid the reality and pretend to have confidence. I guess it worked. More and more people allowed for me to come back around without feeling awkward about it. Pretty soon I didn't feel weird about it anymore and I just wouldn't think about the elephant in the room that no one would talk about.
Pretty soon no one cared enough (or showed that they did) about my situation to even have it addressed. Some of them even told me about their gay family or people that they knew that were in situations close to mine. I was finally able to come out and tell them all that they wanted to know and it was so assuring to be able to be accepted by people that I really thought would just hate or be weirded out with me. If I was in a greater position to tell everyone the full extent of my life I would, but being how my current employment doesn't allow for trans service members, I have to be very careful how I deal with my situation so that the repercussions don't fully come to burn me too bad.
Overall what I have learned is that I needed to be true to myself and not fear the unexpected because you'll never know what truly is going to happen in any given situation. My confidence has definitely put on a few more layers and hopefully pretty soon when I am 100% ready to take on the world it will have enough that will be able to protect me from the onslaught that is the world. In the end I will just have to remember that no matter what happens throughout the rest of my days I will still be who I knew I was meant to be.
