Sometimes the paths you choose don't lead you down to the life you want to live. A lot of times they look as if they are going towards the right direction only to throw a major curve in the road that totally guides you in the wrong direction. Other times you find that the road that you had been following leads you to a dead end and you realize that you must give up pursing that path, find a new path, or backtrack the current path and see if there was anything that you missed along the way.
No one ever said that growing and experiencing life would be easy. As they didn't say that the people that you hold dear to you in your life down one path would stay dear to you when you have to take another. Life is full of mysteries that you can't control. It is full of events that you may seem to read as aiming to ruin your life, but not always. No, sometimes you have spells of luck where you are happy and everything is going right. There isn't a cloud in the sky that can ruin your parade. Then you come to the end of that path and there is a multiple fork in the road. What do you choose? Which one is the right one to take? How will going down this path affect those closest to you or the ones that you care about? How will it affect you? Will you ever possibly know what life would have been down a different path?
All these questions come pouncing on you from outside the shadows. You have no idea what to do and you get scared. You try to put off choosing a path for awhile, but life keeps moving on and there is nothing that you can do to stop it. You just know that it is a important decision that must be made. You know that there is no else even remotely capable of making this decision for you. You know the longer that you put off the decision, the heavier the world knocks on your door waiting for your decision to be made in the flesh. Only one offering will be accepted and that will be you. The clock still ticks.
Finally after coming to the conclusion to accept one of the any paths, you turn to the ones around you and you ask if you are making the right choice. You ask how they feel about it and if they are ok with it. You remind them that it is just a path, that you aren't going to change, and you will still be there for them like you were previously. Sometimes the people that you care about have a fit, sometimes they are accepting, others just deny the fact that you told them anything at all. Once in awhile they will contact you and ask why are you doing this to them? Why are you trying to hurt them so bad? What did they do to throw you down this path? You assure them that they did nothing wrong. that you have always been like this and it was time to stop lying to yourself as well as the world. You explain to them that you are finally able to feel happy, that the world doesn't seem like such an empty place anymore. You describe to them that now you feel drawn to the world instead of rejected and that you now know that you have a spot to fulfill. They don't hear a word you say and they say that they will pray for your soul.
You feel broken inside and don't know if you made the right decision any longer. You look back at the old path that you had been waiting to get off for so long and you wonder what if? What if you would have chosen that path that had mostly resembled the old one or the one that was running in the same direction? What if you would have asked everyone first for the opinions on choosing your path, that way you didn't alienate people? What if you didn't choose any path at all and decided just to call it quits back there at the fork? How much easier would have that been?
You become torn inside. You scream at yourself. You cry because you need comfort and relief. You go to those who said that they supported you and find that they too have turned away. They were all fine with you choosing the path, but most them actually hoped that you wouldn't have actually started to go down it. You keep trudging along the path lost and miserable. The path starts to lead down into dark dense areas where you can not see out in front of you, but only a little bit down the line. You get scared that maybe you aren't going the right way, but you become even more frightened that if you turn back to try and get back to the fork that you wouldn't find your way as it was hard enough just getting to the point that you are at now. You become confused. Everything is not as it should be. The thoughts of hope and excitement you had at the beginning of the path is now far gone and all you have left is fear and grief. You come to the point where you have completely lost the will to continue moving forward and you sit at the end of the side of the path broken and alone. You feel that there is no one else to turn to, as the sky turns dark, covered in clouds. The rain begins to pour and the spot that you decided to camp out in has no cover. You wallow in the rain for a time until you realize that you will perish if you stay out in it too long. You first decide that might not be such a bad idea. On the second thought, you realize that people still depend on you and you move back to the path to search for shelter or at least cover. You keep moving along slow and miserable as you are soaked in moving through the mud. You then notice the second set of foot prints. You heart flutters for a second. There is someone else out there on the same road. You try to move faster to catch up with them, but you are still fighting all the baggage you are carrying while the path continues to throw its worst at you. You keep moving despite your energy levels crashing as each step is made in desperation.
The storm dissipates as you enter an open area. You can see far ahead of you and you make out the silhouette of the person you have been chasing. It is a down hill slope so you gather all the energy you have to make the last final push. You start running, your feet heavy with mud and your clothes soaked with water. The ground feels nice and smooth under your feet for the mere nanoseconds that you feet touch the ground as you continuously pick up speed moving down the slope of your path. You heart flutters as you realize that you might have someone to relate to; Someone that has chosen the same exact path as you; Someone that might be able to help guide you to the next point or fork in the road. Your breath is ragged now. You lungs pumping hard to continue to provide you with the oxygen that is keeping your muscles pumping, but isn't enough as you can feel the strain starting to take its toll. You keep moving though knowing that once you stop it is all over and you don't want to give up. There is one more hill to make it over and you run up the slope your body finds that reserve it was saving and you spend it willingly knowing that the reward you'll receive will out weigh the cost.
You finally make it to the top only to be disappointed. There was no person there the whole time. Only a mirror. You fall to your knees broken. Your spirit is crushed. You have no will to move from this point. Your body cries out in anguish because it has nothing left to give. Your thoughts run a muck. You're done you tell yourself; there is no reason to go on. You open your eyes to look at the rest of the path you had left. The stupid mirror is blocking your view. You wish to yourself that you had the energy to shatter it into a million pieces. You finally look into it to realize how pathetic you really are. At first glance you don't recognize the person looking back at you. You blink a few times to make sure you aren't hallucinating. You make faces to see if the thing you see can do the same. It mimics every move. You start to study the image that you see. It is so weird. The person that you see is you, but a you that you don't recognize and you have been you your whole life. The person that you see makes you happy. They give you energy. You can instantly feel your spirit lift. You pull yourself closer to the mirror so that you can get a better look. You admire all of your new features. There are barely any of your old ones and the ones that you do carry only make you related to your old self, not reminders. You shed a tear, not of sadness, but of happiness because you realized that you were chasing a person the whole time. It only turned out that it was just yourself, your true self, the one that you had hoped you'd become when you started this path out. The one you hoped you'd become your whole life.
You stand up, wipe away the tears and start heading down the path that you had chose. You still don't know where it is going to take you, but you do know that you will be able to make it to the next. You keep walking, never looking back. There is no need. The person that started this journey is gone. Only the you who you are is left and you are finally ok with that.
